Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
