she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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