I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
