i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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