Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
