my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
