He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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