some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
