i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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