I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
