he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
