Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
