yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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