strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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