my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
