We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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