And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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