im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
