it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
