you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
