im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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