My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
