I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
