Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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