This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
