I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
