we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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