My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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