It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Are we still banned from the library?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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