I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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