Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
