member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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