My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just pee around me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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