so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
