so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
