Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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