Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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