And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
