U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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