im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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