forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
