I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
