This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We had sex on a dog bed..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
