What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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