Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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