I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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