I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize