That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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