just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize