remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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