Hey man sorry I got all grabby
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
