no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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