i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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