No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
