i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am mentally ready for anal.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
