Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was born a porn star she said
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
