I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize