the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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