I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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