ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
