Sry I called you an 8
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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