I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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