Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
