ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
