Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
