i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
