3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
