Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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