Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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