I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
