3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
