I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The ass gains better be worth it
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