I bet he comes in French.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
