I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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