Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
