once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
